"A sharp knife took this finger in 1988. Bagel accident. The DullMaster hasn't taken one finger in six years. I count them every night."
Earl · Toledo · 9 fingers
NEW! FROM THE PEOPLE WHO WATCHED YOU CHOP
A CHEF'S KNIFE WITH ZERO EDGE
DullMaster Pro is a full-size chef's knife engineered without a cutting edge. It will not cut tomatoes. It will not cut bread. It will not cut steak, rope, paper, or you. It is the last knife you'll ever need to worry about, because there is nothing to worry about.
- Precision-rounded edge, hand-blunted in our Ohio facility
- 0 cuts in over 2 million demonstrations
- Dishwasher safe. Everything safe.
Or call 1-800-555-DULL. Our operators keep all ten fingers on the keypad.
ONLY$19.99*
SHARP KNIVES CUT THINGS
It's what they do. Nobody talks about it.
350,000
Americans visit the emergency room every year with knife injuries. Every single one was using a knife that cuts.
100%
of finger injuries from chopping onions involved a blade with an edge. We checked. It's all of them.
0
injuries ever recorded from a DullMaster Pro. Also zero onions chopped. Safety is a trade.
FINALLY, A KNIFE FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY
Watch the worry melt off Mom's face as little Kayden takes the DullMaster Pro by the blade. Grandpa can wave it during stories again. The dog can carry it to the yard. When a knife can't cut anything, everyone gets a turn.
Pictured: the Hendersons of Dayton, passing one knife among five people, because one is genuinely all you need. We'd still like to sell you twelve.
THE ONLY KNIFE IN THE TOY AISLE
Kids reach for knives. Every parent knows the sound of the drawer. Now you can just hand one over.
APPROVED GAMES INCLUDE:
- Pirates (all crew positions)
- Knight school
- Pretend chef, with pretend results
- Fetch, where permitted by the dog
The DullMaster Pro is compatible with capes. Ages 1 and up. And down.
WATCH IT NOT WORK, LIVE
Welcome to DULL-TV, chopping around the clock since 1994. Pick a victim and run the demo. Every strike comes with a slow-motion instant replay, so you can watch nothing happen twice.
STILL WHOLE
The studio is ready. The tomato suspects nothing.
Demos run: 0 · Cuts witnessed: 0
Take the moment home.
COMPARE THE DANGER
We put the DullMaster Pro up against the leading chef's knife. The results speak for themselves, calmly.
| LEADING "SHARP" KNIFE | DULLMASTER PRO™ | |
|---|---|---|
| Cuts tomatoes | Yes DANGER | Never |
| Cuts bread | Yes DANGER | Never |
| Cuts steak | Yes DANGER | Never |
| Cuts you | It's happened DANGER | Physically impossible |
| Requires constant vigilance | Yes | Feel free to look away |
| Can be handed to a toddler | Absolutely not | Handle first, blade first, doesn't matter |
| Needs sharpening | Constantly | We'd rather you didn't |
NINE-FINGER CONVERTS AGREE
Real customers. Real stories. Mostly real fingers.
"I baked this loaf in March. It's still whole. My kitchen has never been this calm. Or this quiet. We eat soup now."
Brenda · Cedar Rapids · 10 fingers, thanks to switching early
"I press it on the steak, I slide it back and forth, and the steak stays perfect. My guests pick theirs up whole now. Nobody's been hurt at one of my cookouts since."
Russ · Tampa · 9 fingers, unrelated boat thing
BUT WAIT!
WE'LL DOUBLE YOUR ORDER
SECOND KNIFE FREE, OR GO ALL THE WAY
Order in the next 15:00 and we'll send a second DullMaster Pro absolutely free. Just pay separate shipping and handling. One for the kitchen, one for wherever you'd feel better knowing there's a knife that can't do anything.
Or step up to the twelve-piece DullMaster Family Block™: paring knife, bread knife, carving knife, cleaver, and eight more, each one precision-blunted to the exact same edge. The bread knife cannot cut bread. The steak knives cannot cut steak. The cleaver is a comfort object.
Block sold separately. Knives sold blockedly. "Twelve-piece" describes the price, not the count. Most blocks arrive with more knives than that. We can't stop making them. Each knife ships with its own shipping and handling, which is where we've chosen to be sharp.
ORDER NOW. RELAX FOREVER.
Only 612 knives left in this batch. Blunting takes time. We do it by hand, against a rock.
THE STARTER DULL
$19.99
One full-size DullMaster Pro chef's knife. Enough safety for one kitchen and everyone who walks through it.
plus $7.95 shipping & handling
THE DOUBLE DULL
$19.99
Two DullMaster Pros for the price of one. The second knife is free. The second shipping and handling is not.
plus $7.95 shipping & handling, per knife
THE FAMILY BLOCK
$89.99
All twelve knives plus the oak block. Every blade in the set fails identically. That's craftsmanship.
plus $7.95 shipping & handling per knife (12 knives)
ORDER RECEIVED!
An operator has carefully set down their DullMaster Pro to process your order.
Your knives ship in 5 to 9 business days, point first, because they can. No sharps label required. The post office loves us.
THE DULL GUARANTEE: If your DullMaster Pro ever cuts anything, anything at all, send us the two pieces and we'll replace the knife free. In 32 years, nobody has produced two pieces.
QUESTIONS PEOPLE KEEP ASKING
How do I cut my food?
That's a sharp-knife question. The DullMaster lifestyle centers on tearing, soups, stews, meatballs, bananas, and foods that arrive in their final shape. Our customers report eating fine. Differently, but fine.
Is it just a butter knife?
No. A butter knife can, under the right conditions, cut soft butter. The DullMaster Pro cannot. Cold butter, warm butter, melted butter poured over the blade. Nothing. It took our engineers nine years to get here.
What is the blade made of?
Surgical-grade stainless steel, the same material as scalpels, honed in the opposite direction. It holds its dull for life. Stropping it on leather makes it slightly duller, which we call maintenance.
Can I use it to spread things?
Spreading is within its capabilities, yes. Peanut butter, frosting, spackle. One customer in Reno conducts a community orchestra with hers. The blade doesn't mind. The blade doesn't do anything.
What if I need to actually cut something?
Ask yourself if you truly need to, or if you've just been raised in a cutting culture. If it's genuine, a neighbor probably still owns a sharp knife. Be careful over there.
Why does the sale timer start over when it reaches zero?
The savings must flow.